Post by Gãlen ¶3PG¶CA on Feb 27, 2013 12:26:05 GMT -5
I posted this rather important article quite some time ago NOW its time to read this and write in your own words what it means to you. Of special interest is the concept of BARTERING TO OBTAIN VALIDATION ( External validation vs. internal validation of who you are as a kajira) N,o word limit but I do expect to see some thought put into this girl. All the best to you
Karinna
A Confident Slave..... where does she come from?
People who don¡¯t understand our lifestyle often don¡¯t realize that whether you aspire simply to be a bottom, or climb up to being a submissive, or take the final plunge and become a slave or even further a GOREAN slave, is that you have to be a strong individual who knows exactly who she is and is comfortable alone in a room looking into the mirror.
Tops, Dominants, and Masters all have to achieve the same thing;
but do it from a different point of view.A Top has to keep his personality in the proper balance, but it may only be for the scene you¡¯re
participating in.A Dominant has the same challenge, but it becomes far more important that he is comfortable in his own skin.
Dominance is the exact polar opposite of domineering yet to the untrained mind it appears to be the same.
A Master takes on a much stronger and deeper challenge. A Master must have a clear sense of who he is; know that his value does not come from the outside but from confidence and from deep within him.
Too often I hear people in the lifestyle say "she ¡s
not a true ______{fill in with bottom, submissive, or slave.} They don¡¯t listen to me. Well that ¡s often followed by the comment: I'll show her. That is a domineering personality that is insecure and needs the ever present doormat agreeing with everything and jumping
at every command out of fear of displeasing the Top / Dom / Master.
Let's step back a moment and evaluate it from the psychological
point of view. There is a difference between what is common and feels
comfortable; Emotional Fusion (the zero sum game between people in
relationships) and the challenging idea of Emotional Differentiation (the self
-maintenance of the person within, in the midst of a strong emotional relationship). The concept of differentiation is a difficult one ,because it
is counter intuitive; just like slavery is.
Differentiation depends on the ability to confront the person you truly are,
become fully comfortable, and seek no outside validation.
That last one is the foundation (outside validation) for emotional fusion and it is what we are taught as children, reinforced in adolescence and fought for and against in adult relationships. The point that is most valid is that eventually, if our own self-worth is based on what OTHERS think of us and tell us about ourselves, we become dependent on it. Mom
and or Dad did it (to varying degrees of success), our teachers did it, our boyfriends and girlfriends did it, and we've become accustomed to it to the point that now we need it: Just like an addict needs their next fix. We
need others to validate who we are or we lose self- respect and self-
worth.The inner mind talk goes like this:
I'll open myself up to you and give you service, but only if you'll pay attention only to me and tell me how good I am at the end, if you
won't do that, then I won't serve you:
But, I want your validation so you have to accept my service and tell me
how good it was.
I'm sure you are shaking your head at this, but if you think about it,
whether you're a spouse, bottom, top, dominant, submissive, Master or a slave in any case you may be [unthinkingly] bartering to obtain validation.
Gorean slaves are driven to the depths of desperation and want;
not because it pleases the Master. They are driven there, so that
when they come out the other side, they KNOW who they are, and have learned to self-soothe and to validate their own worth. Once they truly know who they are (if they actually achieve this), then they are ready to move forward and learn the art of pleasing someone such as a Master or any significant other. Not out of fear of the whip,but out of the need to be themselves and fulfill their own destiny: One that is charted by them,and given as a gift to
their Master through their unselfish service.
In short, a bottom, submissive, or slave serves not out of fear but out of need. A Top, Dom, or Master does not command from fear, they lead from a position of confidence that evokes respect from other to the point that they choose/ want to serve because it would not be who they are if they did not jump to serve.
Notice that this is not the picture most of society has of a slave: The picture of a doormat. This is a well acculturated, strong, and self-assured person who sees her destiny in service and works hard on herself first and then her skills to better serve others. It is from the inside outward that service comes, not from the outside (through the use of force,manipulation, or castigation) but from deep within the slave.
Pleasing is the outcome of a service provided by the slave (just as much
as a sub, or a bottom) when it comes from a strong and confident heart, built upon the foundation of a strong, accurate and confident self-image. A self-image that is not dependent on an outsider's definition, or confirmation.
I wish you well,
Argos
***I though this a most excellent article that pretty much mirrors the philosphy behind the teachings of Three Pillars. Comments, beefs or bouquets are welcomed. Note, the whole idea of a confident slave comes from within herself, rather than from the outside in. What are your thoughts around that?
With loving respect,
Karinna G ¶3PG¶
Karinna
A Confident Slave..... where does she come from?
People who don¡¯t understand our lifestyle often don¡¯t realize that whether you aspire simply to be a bottom, or climb up to being a submissive, or take the final plunge and become a slave or even further a GOREAN slave, is that you have to be a strong individual who knows exactly who she is and is comfortable alone in a room looking into the mirror.
Tops, Dominants, and Masters all have to achieve the same thing;
but do it from a different point of view.A Top has to keep his personality in the proper balance, but it may only be for the scene you¡¯re
participating in.A Dominant has the same challenge, but it becomes far more important that he is comfortable in his own skin.
Dominance is the exact polar opposite of domineering yet to the untrained mind it appears to be the same.
A Master takes on a much stronger and deeper challenge. A Master must have a clear sense of who he is; know that his value does not come from the outside but from confidence and from deep within him.
Too often I hear people in the lifestyle say "she ¡s
not a true ______{fill in with bottom, submissive, or slave.} They don¡¯t listen to me. Well that ¡s often followed by the comment: I'll show her. That is a domineering personality that is insecure and needs the ever present doormat agreeing with everything and jumping
at every command out of fear of displeasing the Top / Dom / Master.
Let's step back a moment and evaluate it from the psychological
point of view. There is a difference between what is common and feels
comfortable; Emotional Fusion (the zero sum game between people in
relationships) and the challenging idea of Emotional Differentiation (the self
-maintenance of the person within, in the midst of a strong emotional relationship). The concept of differentiation is a difficult one ,because it
is counter intuitive; just like slavery is.
Differentiation depends on the ability to confront the person you truly are,
become fully comfortable, and seek no outside validation.
That last one is the foundation (outside validation) for emotional fusion and it is what we are taught as children, reinforced in adolescence and fought for and against in adult relationships. The point that is most valid is that eventually, if our own self-worth is based on what OTHERS think of us and tell us about ourselves, we become dependent on it. Mom
and or Dad did it (to varying degrees of success), our teachers did it, our boyfriends and girlfriends did it, and we've become accustomed to it to the point that now we need it: Just like an addict needs their next fix. We
need others to validate who we are or we lose self- respect and self-
worth.The inner mind talk goes like this:
I'll open myself up to you and give you service, but only if you'll pay attention only to me and tell me how good I am at the end, if you
won't do that, then I won't serve you:
But, I want your validation so you have to accept my service and tell me
how good it was.
I'm sure you are shaking your head at this, but if you think about it,
whether you're a spouse, bottom, top, dominant, submissive, Master or a slave in any case you may be [unthinkingly] bartering to obtain validation.
Gorean slaves are driven to the depths of desperation and want;
not because it pleases the Master. They are driven there, so that
when they come out the other side, they KNOW who they are, and have learned to self-soothe and to validate their own worth. Once they truly know who they are (if they actually achieve this), then they are ready to move forward and learn the art of pleasing someone such as a Master or any significant other. Not out of fear of the whip,but out of the need to be themselves and fulfill their own destiny: One that is charted by them,and given as a gift to
their Master through their unselfish service.
In short, a bottom, submissive, or slave serves not out of fear but out of need. A Top, Dom, or Master does not command from fear, they lead from a position of confidence that evokes respect from other to the point that they choose/ want to serve because it would not be who they are if they did not jump to serve.
Notice that this is not the picture most of society has of a slave: The picture of a doormat. This is a well acculturated, strong, and self-assured person who sees her destiny in service and works hard on herself first and then her skills to better serve others. It is from the inside outward that service comes, not from the outside (through the use of force,manipulation, or castigation) but from deep within the slave.
Pleasing is the outcome of a service provided by the slave (just as much
as a sub, or a bottom) when it comes from a strong and confident heart, built upon the foundation of a strong, accurate and confident self-image. A self-image that is not dependent on an outsider's definition, or confirmation.
I wish you well,
Argos
***I though this a most excellent article that pretty much mirrors the philosphy behind the teachings of Three Pillars. Comments, beefs or bouquets are welcomed. Note, the whole idea of a confident slave comes from within herself, rather than from the outside in. What are your thoughts around that?
With loving respect,
Karinna G ¶3PG¶